10 Signs It's Time to Quit Your Band

  Quitting your band is one of the hardest decisions you’ll ever make.  You’ve devoted time, money, and your heart and soul in to this group.  Every band sees some trouble from time to time, and you don’t want to be a weenie and quit just because someone used your guitar pick to clean their teeth.  But there may be a time when you have to seriously consider if being in your band is still in line with your personal goals.

Here’s a list of things that may serve as red flags.

1.    You don’t feel inspired any more.

Music is art.  If you don’t have the inspiration to keep making more—or if you feel like you’re just going through the motions in your practice or performance, it’s time to re-evaluate whether or not your band is the right vehicle for you to express yourself.  There are a lot of reasons why “the thrill is gone”:  personal changes, artistic growth, or the discovery of something new and more exciting in your life.  Whatever the cause, you can’t “fake” inspiration, and you’ll resent your band the more you try.

2.    Practice sessions are unproductive.

So, one of the guys is late...again.  Another one brings his girlfriend to practice and they spend twenty minutes making out on the sofa.  The drummer’s cell phone rings three times and he insists he can’t turn it off because he’s waiting for his roommate to call him with the game score.  It is pretty clear that no one is taking things seriously.  When people don’t take practice seriously, it is a clear indication that the creative energy is low, or worse, non-existent.  If your efforts to keep things on track are met with continued lackadaisical attitudes by the other members—it’s probably time to find another home for your talent.

3.    There is regular conflict between two or more members.

Everyone’s been here:  egos clash, opinions are aired.  It’s actually healthy to have some disagreement and dialog in the creative process. But if there is regular conflict between members of the band, the negative energy is only going to stifle the creative process.  Not to mention it’s a pain in the ass for everyone else to have to set aside practice time only to have it turn into a bad reality television show.  If the conflicted members are not interested in resolving their issues, there is only so far you’ll ever be able to go as a band.

4.    Creativity has come to a standstill.

You may have had a good couple years.  Maybe you’ve recorded a disc and played a series of shows with success.  You’ve built your name in the community and have a following.  But now, there’s nothing new and you feel like you’re rehashing the same old same old stuff during practice.  There needs to be a serious discussion in the band about new material.  If you’re not constantly creating new music, you might as well be a cover band.  If it’s not happening here, then you might want to find another outlet.

5.    You feel that your contributions are being ignored—or resented.

A band is not a dictatorship.  Everyone has a role to play, and everyone’s contribution is important.  That’s not to say that your drummer can come in to practice one day and decide he wants to play lead guitar; but it is important that every member feels comfortable making a contribution and that everyone is able to push themselves in new, exciting directions keeping them stimulated and creative.  If you feel that your band mates are trying to keep you in a creative “box” and resent your efforts to expand your contribution, then you need to decide how long you’re willing to do that before it’s time to move on.

6.    You have an opportunity to further your career somewhere else.

When you’re in a band, you are part of a team.  So when something else comes along, you don’t just run off and leave your buddies high and dry.  But the bottom line is that your career is your own.  If you have an opportunity to do something that will change you life, it is worth considering.  There’s no right or wrong answer—only you can tell if it’s worth taking the risk of leaving your band for another opportunity.  Don’t automatically discount an offer for something big just because you’re already in a band.  Weigh the decision carefully, and if you decide it’s worth it, make your choice and stand behind it.

7.    Members have started flaking on practice and rehearsal.

Unless you’re independently wealthy, chances are that you’re not only in a band, but you are working to pay your bills; and you have family commitments, relationships, and other responsibilities that are all vying for your time.  A band is not meant to be a cult where you shun everything else in your life: members need to be sensitive to one another and not make unrealistic demands on time.  However, if someone can’t carve out regular quality time to practice with your band, they need to admit it.  You can’t just show up once a month and play a gig without regular practice. 

8.    One or more of the members has a serious problem with drugs or booze.

Musicians are famous for their partying, and there’s no reason to expect your band mates to be Quakers.  But when someone crosses the line and their drug-use or drinking affects their relationships, their commitments, and their performance—it’s time to take action.  If you’re dealing with an addict, you need to talk to a professional about how to approach them.  Confronting someone about their addiction is painful for both sides, and the bottom line is that you care about the person—but you can’t let them continue to destroy themselves and take advantage of you and your time.  If the band doesn’t want to have this conversation with the member who has the problem and doesn’t think it’s important to address, you are wasting your time.  Additionally, if the whole band seems to spend more time partying than practicing; it’s time to move on.

9.    There’s not an equal commitment or contribution by all members.

An independent band requires its members to play more than one role.  Often you are responsible for your own management, public relations, and marketing.  You need everyone to cooperate if you’re going to make it.  It’s unfair to expect one or two people to handle all the ‘grunt’ work.  There’s no room for a prima donna in a band.  If people are slacking and you can’t seem to motivate them, you have three choices:  continue to put up with it and hope your band magically achieves success; try to convince them to step it up; or leave the band.

10.    You can’t keep up your end of the bargain.

You’re the only person who can make this call.  If you’re over-extended in your time and energy, or if your energy is being used up by your wedding, a new baby, a job, your PhD or the Boston Marathon—then you need to admit it to yourself and your band mates.  Being in a band isn’t supposed to be juts another obligation in your day planner.  If that’s what it has become, then you need to seriously reconsider whether or not you should be doing it.

Comments

[Bigtwenty]

Yes, this is such a great list for people who take their music career seriously. Great job David!!!

[Darrell]

The "band thing" is something I've been doing since High School (over 20 years)and it's always the same story. One person is the focus to get shows, organize events and rehearsals. The others either have their own things they are doing or simply ride the wave of whatever activity the one person comes up with. The problem is in how each person defines being committed to the group. I am now looking for other musicians who would do music well even if they're not being paid. Everyone has a right to compensation for their art, but a true love of music writing/performance/marketing etc. is what allows bands to become successful. Anything less is simply a waste of time. Hire musicians to get your shows done and your tracks as well. Whether you're an awesome musician or not, don't tie yourself to ANY situation that is holding you back. Only 5% of musicians you meet are going to be equal go-getters to move things forward, so the chance of having an entire band of individuals contributing equally is pretty slim.

[Andreas]

I wont say how many of these 10 signs corresponds with my situation but i can give you a hint... More than 5.

So what to do?

[Mike Lattanz]

To thy own self be true ..If deep down you have the feeling to move on from your current situation buy all means you should follow it. I spent 8 years in a band working very hard and when it came time for the record deal the lead singer bailed out of the deal .I was left speachless (all that time all the lies blood sweat and tears) for that moment I'll never forget.
Then I read Steve Jordan left SNL because he did'nt like the music that Paul Shaefer wanted to play each night , Steve went on to produce many great artists over the years the latest Jon Mayer.
Mike

[Sebastiano Mereu]

Band break-ups hurt a lot. They hurt as much as breaking up with a girl- or boyfriend. I've been through ugly break-ups and thinking back, it still hurts. Especially if you had to stop playing with your closest friends. Fortunately, with every story that finishes a new one starts. And, even though starting over might be hard on your knees, it can be more rewarding in the end. You can learn from mistakes you or others have made and create something greater than what you had before.

[Atul Rana]

Ain't it fun.......when you've broken up every band you've begun

Ain't if fun.......when you know you gonna die young

Ain't it fun, ain't it fun

[David Jacoby]

Hey this is a great list. I remember I was actually "kicked out" of my band many years ago. The funny thing is, about two hours after I had gotten over all the self-pity, I realized that it was EXACTLY what I needed, and what I would have decided myself, if I had just seen this list! I was just blindly committed to this project that had basically lost all its soul and creative energy about two years earlier. So "quitting" my band was the best thing I ever did.

[drew b]

Nice quote from the dead boys Atul!!

Anyway, I'm older, been through a lot of bands, being a driver and a passenger. I usually end up doing some driving eventually, as I really love the creativity, performance, AND the business. I've had all varieties of the 10 points in different degrees. My current band has quite a few of them, but you have to weigh who you are against who you want to be, who your mates are against who they can be. The biggest enemy out there is self-deception. Yours and your mate's. Don't kid yourself about the people around you. If they really want to 'go somewhere' with their music, they'll be showing definite signs (one of those signs is being an optimistic, helpful, FOLLOWER). If not, either deal with pulling them along, or bail. But the tricky one is: is music business what YOU want? Have you seen yourself on video? Are you a creep? Yeah, you feel darn good when you're playing, but do people avoid you? Are you making up reasons that you're a star in your head? Can you live with yourself if you find out it's been a lie for all these years? Tough questions - actually, great songwriting material. These are questions any man asks, not just musicians. Heft a pint and plow on, if you've got the stomach for it. Best of luck!

[Lou Lombardi]

After years of being in bands and exhibiting all of these "sypmtoms" in one situation or another I finally grew a set and started my own band. This is better for me. Although I still play in another (80's cover) band. In the other band I feel like a slave. In my band it's very different. I get to treat others the way that I want to be treated. I think you have to pay people. It isn't easy to do but if you're paying then it's a job ...more of a professional atmosphere, and you can expect, or should expect more professional behavior and attitudes from those involved. Even if we are showcasing, and there is no pay...I pay my guys.

[Alisha]

agreed! good list

[Paula Benson]

I quit being apart of a female group because the other two ladies were always always late. Also, they just wanted the glory and not the work that came with being talented entertainer. Both ladies smoke pot and that was not my thing. I found out later there was some jealousy toward me. At the time both ladies could sing cirles around me so, the jealousy thing I did not understand. I was having a problem believe I could sing.

I feel being the leader of a band is best for me. It's a lot of hard work and you have to be organized to get things done. I would not trade the position any day for late-pot smoking singers.

[kawaii]

This is great list..one of the reason also is the insecurities and jealousy,aneweis, thanks for sharing this..

[Paula Benson]

I love that magazine. If it was not for Performer I would not have met my new co-writter. I am glad I kept those old issues I have. I've been helped in so many ways.

As the comments mention above in David's 10 steps it is best to shut it down.

[bones]

I hate it when bands suddenly take their music TOO SERIOUSLY. Control freaks are AWFUL to deal with!

[Social Bandmaker]

The biggest reason why bands dont succeed or last is because there is a lack of authority, roles and direction in the band. They all need a plan!

[David Hooper]

Great point. Most bands that have had big success and have been around for a long time are driven by one or two people. Kiss, Nine Inch Nails, or Smashing Pumpkins for example... The other "members" of the organization are just hired guns.

[d]

11. Quit the band if there is a member who takes it so seriously that he types up a blog list of potential reasons to quit the band. These people are annoying, usually have a beard, glasses and were at one point a vegetarian/ most likely the bassist and are not that good at music to begin with

[Kraig Dean Roberts]

After my last band broke up in 1997 I said to myself "That's it, I'm never going to be in a band again". Like the 10 reasons mentioned, we had released a professional five-song demo on tape, did the release party and then the vocalist quit. He was a huge talent but his neurosis overuled logic, his own list of reasons for quitting contained unrealistic expectations. So I put a pretty decent home studio together, complete with acoustical wall treatments. I had a plan, a specific set of goals and now would follow my true hard rock / metal calling. Having a well-defined style was important but I managed to write every song with a slightly different twist and no two songs sounded exactly alike, but you knew it was Deadly Nightshade (my "band" name, like Nine Inch Nails)and yet there were always surprises. It took a LONG time to learn how to record and produce songs mostly as I was doing EVERYTHING, even the instruments and vocals were all me. I was super-inspired and a prolific songwriter. I really wanted nothing to do with a band however, I figured I would be able to sell my music either in stores or on-line. I got offers to sign up with so-called music sites everyday, promising radio rotation and promoting on the site. Another forum's feedback seemed to indicate I was dreaming; "Gotta put a band together and play in support of the CD. Re-record with a real band BTW" I found a bass player and drummer who, get this, INSISTED on learning my songs per diem. I mean, bass player loved my bass parts, just needed tab, same with drummer, but no tab for drums. Yes, it all started off great. But I sold my studio gear, did some truly idiotic things that messed up my finances. I had, at one point, some high-end rehearsal PA stuff, mics etc. Forming your own band requires you to show that YOU ARE A LEADER, A PROFESSIONAL TALENT with a plan. My first band ever in 79 had better gear!!! It began to weigh me down, and I had no day job. What business did I have doing this? And we had practice issues with drummer. The disease had set in. I had more material beyond the hour we played at gigs but I was losing my passion and I missed the "analog" days of making a tape with songs for each member to learn songs off. We had yet to gain ANY following. I fell apart. Band is done, I have my guitar rig and Boss drum / bass machine but no studio now. I was losing it in the head. What had I done? I settled down and worked things out: get a job, get your studio back. Return to the song writer mode, finish new CD and get it mastered. Having product will make all the difference.

I may be 50-years-young now but things have changed. Business has changed. Its not
1982. I've got to redirect my talent and sell ME, not some unstable band situation. I really don't enjoy playing live, the cluh scene was never my scene unless I had plenty of drugs, then I was Mr. Charisma-rock star, talking to everyone in the club. These days I just want to get the hell out of there and go home but I put on a brave face and act the part very well. Its not a good thing however, its my alter-ego, not the real me. Question is, can I sell just ME, my music and never play out again?